Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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