uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
