i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
