Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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