What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
