I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
