I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
