Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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