As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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