for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
