today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
