I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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