I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
