I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
