captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Everclear isn't food dammit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
