My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
