I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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