dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
