Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.