So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?