he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.