Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
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Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.