she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver