i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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