I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
