i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
