he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
