wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
