I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
