I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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