So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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