I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love having hate sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
