i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
