have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not ubering you a puppy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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