im six kinds of drunk right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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