OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That was before I lit my hair on fire
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize