so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
