I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
