You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
