I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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