My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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