I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
