Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
