i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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