i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
