he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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