Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
