And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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