I am puke
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are we still banned from the library?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
