I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
