I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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