Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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