it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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