1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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