he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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