Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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