I'm eating all of the evidence.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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