omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize