I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize