I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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