Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
