Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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