If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
