you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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