if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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