Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
